Ramblings

Today I have been sitting and thinking. This a bad month for me and I have a tendency to get a bit depressed and very thoughtful and about life and all those things. I have been watching Missy, your mother, for the last three months as a mother. Not just my daughter now but your mother. How strange to see my baby with her baby. Missy is 28 years old. That is the same age that I was when I gave birth to her, but she seems so young to me, and I felt so old when I had her. It's hard sometimes to see your children as adults.

I remember how I prayed for Missy. When she came, she was everything I had asked for. Today, as a young woman and mother, she is more than I had ever dreamed. She is smart and beautiful. Her life is good. She has a wonderful husband, her own home, some wonderful friends that I love dearly and a beautiful baby girl. Things are good for Missy and I'm very grateful for that.

Still I watch her as she cares for you, her beautiful daughter. She is such a wonderful mother. Where did she learn that? Does it come naturally. Did I have anything to do with that? I hope I taught her some things. She has such great patience and love when she cares for you. I see in her eyes the same things that were in my eyes when I would look at her. The love and hopes and dreams go from one generation to the next. That's the way that life continues. With all our hopes and dreams being passed on to the next generation. Even if I'm not here to see it, I know that the love that I had for Missy is passed on to Serif...and you, Serif, will pass it on to your children. The love just keeps going on and on. It never stops.

I have so enjoyed the last three months. Your mother has so generously allowed me to share your growing up. She has unselfishly allowed me to spend as much time as I wanted with you. Probably more than she expected. I find myself unable to pull myself away from you. You are so beautiful and sweet. I love holding and kissing you. Even when you are crying it feels so good to hold you. My heart melts at each sweet smile you give. I had no idea that I could love another as much as I love your mother, but you proved that I have more love than I thought in my heart. Thank you for that. You have reminded me that even though I lost half my heart that day in September of 1997, I can still love. You remind me that there is a future and that I want to be here to share it with you. I want to see you walk and then I want to see you grow into the beautiful young woman you will become. I want to see your brothers and sisters grow into the special wonderful people they will become. Your birth did more than you will ever know. It reminded me that there really is a future and I want to live to see. Thank you for that.