Sore Feet

I read somewhere that as you get older you lose padding on the bottom of your feet. Can you believe that? Now, trust me, Grammy G has lots of fat she could lose all over her body. But I never wanted to lose fat from the bottom of my feet. Guess that explains why I need to buy cushions for my shoes. Another of those strange things about getting old.

They really wear that sweet grandbaby out at day care. I was lucky enough to be able to pick her up from day care yesterday. I got that sweet smile of hers when I got there but she was falling asleep by the time I was buckling her into the car seat. Such a sweet baby. Bosco went crazy when I carried her into the house. He just couldn't understand why he couldn't kiss her when we got there. Finally after about an hour I let him nudge her some and I started loving on her. We were able to ease her awake and she woke up with a smile on her face. Then the fun began. We got to play. She loves her new baby doll. Luckily I remembered to pick it up because Bosco loves it too. Unfortunately, his love is a little more distructive than hers.

The only time she was unhappy was when I wouldn't give her one of Bosco's goodies. I finally had to give Bosco one of her animal crackers and then give her one. She gave her first one to Bosco to make sure they were eating the same thing and then took one for herself. Boy that dog eats well when she's around.

Friends

Grammy G is so lucky. I have wonderful children but my children have wonderful friends.

Last night as I was standing at the refrigerator trying to figure out what to cook, my wonderful daughter called. She told me that my precious granddaughter missed her Grammy and that their friends had included me in their invitation to go to dinner. How sweet is that? I couldn't say no. Especially when my bug missed her Grammy. I petted old Bosco and was out the door. When I pulled up all the kids were in the front yard. Serif got the biggest grin on her face when she saw her Grammy drive up. That definitely made my day.

We had such a nice visit. Missy's friend Marissa is getting ready to leave for Las Vegas to attend her brother's wedding. How exciting. Two young people getting ready to start their lives together. I know it's going to be a joyous occasion for everyone. I even gave Marissa some quarters from me to play in the slot machine. Hey, I'll try anything.

This afternoon I get to pick Serif up from day care. How exciting. I can't wait for this work day to be over. I will take her home with me and her parents can get her after their appointment. I have a list of everything that I'm supposed to remember from the school. Hope I remember everything. Once I get my hands on that baby, everything else just goes out the window.

Monday

It's already Monday. I can't believe that the weekend is already over. There just aren't enough hours in the weekend for me.

Last night a cold front came into Austin. Now here in Austin cold fronts are different than in other areas. It meant that the temperature went down to the 50's during the night and the high is supposed to be around 85. After over 100 degree temperatures all summer that's down right cold.

I love the cooler nights. It feels so good to snuggle into the bed and be all comfy and warm. Of course right when you get to the good comfy the alarm goes off and it's time to get up and get ready for a new week of work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and the people I work with. I just wish I could work like say from 10-5. At full pay of course. Then I could sleep in and get up when I feel like it.

I had such a nice weekend. It's so boring but just the way I like it. We had family night on Friday night. Patti has been having problems with her medication so she couldn't make it. We all met at Missy's house and had a nice visit. We sat around the table and ate some pizza and then played a game. It was a short night because everyone was tired after a busy week at work. Plus it had been a more emotional week that usual.

Saturday I had a Daughter of the King meeting in the morning. In the evening the kids came by and surprised me with dinner. We sat and watched Gray's Anatomy. The kids couldn't watch it so I recorded it so we could all watch it together. I love my DVR. The plan was for me to take care of bug for a couple of hours but she would have nothing to do with that. She was determined that she was going home with mommy and daddy. As they drove away, she had that grin on her face. The one that said yup I got my way. She is so much like her mother at that age.

After the kids left, my best friend called to chat. We love to sit and compare stories about our grandchildren. Of course she has more stories to tell since she as three grandchildren and I only have the one. Since I had my precious Serif spend the night with me, she decided it was time for her Layla to spend the night with her granny. Apparently they had a fantastic time too. That is so special. I can't wait until mine will spend the night with me again.

Sunday is our usual shopping day. The grocery store is lots more fun when we go as a family. Makes it go by faster. First we went to Target to get Emily her birthday presents. I think I got some things she will like. I sure hope so. I still can't believe she's going to be 10 years old. Then it was off to the grocery store.

Toddlers are so funny. Last weekend Serif couldn't get enough of me. This weekend she wanted nothing to do with me. Oh I got a quick kiss and she let me hold her for a little while but she really wanted her mommy and daddy this weekend. That's okay. I'll be patient. Maybe next weekend she'll want to be with me again.

Wonderful Children

I honestly don't know how I could have gotten through yesterday without my wonderful children and my precious grandbaby. They are my link to my wonderful Patrick.

For some reason this has been a hard year for both my kids. As I have said before, perhaps we feel the loss more because of our precious little girl. I am so sorry he can't enjoy her the way I can.

I was able to spend the day with Missy and Serif. We had lunch with Tom and Terry and then we girls headed to the mall. I was surprised that I was able to find some shoes for me. That definitely brightened a dreary day.

After work we all got together and went to the lake. The drought was really obvious. The lake was down so low. But it was beautiful out there. I am always happy when we can go there. It's so much nicer than a graveyard. Serif got to see the fish swimming in the lake. It was lovely and peaceful and I think it helped everyone.

When we left the lake, we all went out to eat. It was nice sitting around a nice big round table with my family around me. I was so thankful that I was able to be with them. Of course Serif kept us all entertained.

The depression is lifting. It felt good to go to work today. I pray that Missy's depression will leave her soon too. I know that this is hard on her. I wish I could help her but all I can do is be there if she needs me.

Patrick will always be missed. But he is part of us and he is always in our thoughts and in our hearts. Life still goes on and I plan to do a lot of living before I join him. Afterall, there's a grandbaby to spoil.

How Long?

So how long do your mourn your one true love? Is it a year, two years, an eternity?

Tomorrow my wonderful husband will be dead 9 years. That is a long time to mourn. I get mad at myself for missing him so much. I figured okay 1, 2, maybe even 3 years this day would be hard but who thought it would still hurt so much 9 years later.

True, I don't pine for him daily. I do think of him almost daily. Happy thoughts of our times together. Even an occassional thought of not so happy times together. I do talk to him almost every day. But I don't think I'm hanging on to him in an unhealthy manner.

We had almost 25 wonderful years together. Like any couple we had our good times and our bad times. I have to admit that the good times definitely out numbered the bad. Patrick was a very loving and giving man. He loved his family more than life itself. There was nothing he wouldn't do for any of us. He left behind a legacy of love that we will all cherish.

Don't get me wrong he had his faults. He was human and he was a man. Needless to say there were days I could have throttled him. But in the end we had a wonderful friendship. We loved to talk and laugh. I remember those talks that would start after the kids went to bed and lasted until the wee hours of the morning. I remember having a bad dream and having him there to hold me when I reached out to him.

Maybe it's seeing his grandchild growing into such a little person and seeing bits of him in her. Maybe it's knowing how much he looked forward to being a grandfather and the fact that he is missing this beautiful child. Maybe it's remembering all the plans and hopes and dreams that we had for our golden years that will never be.

Tomorrow I will spend time with our children and grandchild. They are a piece of him and our love that will live on. Yes he is gone physically but he is so in my heart that he is never far from me.

On this the anniversary of his death, I will remember his wonderful smile, his gentle caress, his wonderful kiss and gives thanks for the years we had and try not to think of the years we aren't going to have.

Slumber Party

I can't believe it has been so long since I last blogged. I definitley need to do something about that. I have been very lazy lately.

This weekend was a special treat for Grammy G. My sweet grandbaby spent the night with me. This was the first time she has slept away from her mommy and daddy. I was so excited to be the one.

I was all prepared. I went to the store and got one of those rails for my bed and installed it on Saturday morning. On Friday night I went to the store and got milk and some goodies for us. She is a picky eater so I got things I new she liked. I always have animal cookies for her but I needed some ice cream and gold fish. She does like her gold fish.

As usual, she didn't want mommy and daddy to leave but once they left there were no problems. We went outside and played a little and read books and hugged and kissed and she played with her toys. We sang and talked. She was such a sweet happy little girl. Then around 10:30 she just walked over to me and put up her arms. I picked her up and she laid her head on my shoulder. She patted my back a couple of times and went right to sleep. I put her in my bed and I crawled in with her.

Poor Bosco, my sweet old lab, was not sure what to make of this. Her parents were supposed to come and get her. I am his mommy and he doesn't like to share. He loves her but he's a bit jealous. Actually he's a lot jealous. He must have come over to check on me three different times during the night. I guess he wanted to make sure I still loved him most.

She slept so good. I was constantly waking up and checking her. That's normal since it was the first time and I'm not used to having someone in my bed. She stirred a little around 6:20 but didn't wake up until 8:30 in the morning. I was so lucky. She wasn't sure what to make of everything when she woke up in my bed and saw me. There was a surprised look on her face and then after I sang her a good morning song she smiled at me.

In the living room I put on some oldies music and she and I danced and sang as we got ready to greet the day. That baby does like good music. She was so happy. I got her some milk and she helped me get Bosco fresh water. These days Bosco is jealous when she gets something to eat and she gets jealous if Bosco gets one of his goodies. Each wants what the other is having. Just like a couple of little kids.

I had gotten some muffins for her breakfast. She would go over to the dining room chair and pat on it. I would then sit down and put her on my knee and she would eat. Why talk when all you have to do is point, pat or grunt. Right?

Then it was more dancing and playing with toys. Around 10 o'clock I thought she wanted to talk to her parents so I called them. They were doing great without her and were sleeping. Apparently it wasn't them she wanted to talk to because she just went on playing when they were on the phone.

The kids arrived around 11:30 to a big smile from their baby. She was so happy to see them. After some visiting we headed out to the church. This was my day to deliver altar flowers. I am happy to say that the one delivery we were dreading (the 14 months old little boy in Children's Hospital) had been sent home and we were thrilled to send some flowers to him through his grandma. The rest of the fowers were left at a nursing home to help brighten the place for those staying there.

The kids took me to lunch in payment for baby sitting. Silly them. I thought that's what all the bug kisses were for. Apparently Grammy time wasn't over because that sweet grandbaby wanted to be on my lap and eat some my lunch which I was more than happy to share.

Then we went shopping. She was so good and I got lots of hugs and kisses throughout the day. A fact that was pointed out many times by her mother. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. We wore that poor baby out. She was asleep before we hit the grocery store and slept through the entire grocery store.

By the time I got home I was exhausted. It had been a long day and I'm not used to picking up and holding 20 pounds of love so much. My back and arms definitely felt it. The poor dog was just dragging. After a few phone calls, Bosco and I were off to relax in our beds. He was spread out snoring in his dog bed before I ever got into my bed. I have to admit I didn't watch much television before I went to sleep.

Shortly after I got into bed, the thunder and lightning started. It was wonderful. We are so dry and my poor yard needed the rain so badly. I love laying there listening to the rain on the roof. What a wonderful way to fall asleep after such a perfect weekend.

Thanks, kids, for sharing your wonderful precious daughter with me. It meant the world.